Lack of response – we admit, we know it’s frustrating. You spend time crafting a witty and cleverly constructed email to the person with the profile that stopped you in your tracks and then… nothing. You wait some more and still… silence.
The best way to understand this is to look at online dating from the perspective of the person you are contacting. This is particularly important if you are a man. Many women can find online dating initially overwhelming, lots of contact and lots of profiles to look at. This can often mean they can be slow to respond to messages or might only check their profile when they have a spare couple of hours.
Taking that into account, it can be more productive to not send long messages but to send shorter ones which demand a response. The best way to obtain a response? Ask questions. RSVP members are more likely to respond to messages that ask questions than ones that don’t. When was the last time you ignored an email that asked you a question?
Once you have a response, that’s when you can start to write more lengthy, detailed messages. For women contacting men, it’s been found that men are most responsive to short messages. One 31-year-old female RSVP user told us “I only ever send shorter messages to men because I much prefer to speak on the phone and I think I come across much better on the phone that I do on email. I tell them on email.”
She makes a great point. It’s important to note, if you’re not a great writer, don’t enjoy writing or have a personality more suited to speaking on the phone, say so in your message. A quick line saying, “Sorry this isn’t longer but I’m busy/don’t like writing etc.” will let the other person know that you’re not being rude and they will forgive your hastily written message. As with any dating situation, a little honestly is always appreciated.
Longer first messages do have their place. Many men are impressed by a women that has taken the time to send them a well-written longer message. As they are often in the position where they have to make first contact with potential dates, they understand the time and effort this takes. It’s a way of showing interest and standing out from the crowd.
So what should you include in your messages? Ask questions and show that you have read their profile properly. Asking someone what their interests are when that information is already available on their profile makes your message immediately look like a cut and paste job. Particularly with female members, details are important. The man who shows he has taken the time to read her profile and is asking questions on specific parts of it will be well received. If she says she likes cycling, what type? Road racing? Mountain biking?
When asking questions, tone makes a difference. We have all received emails worded in a way that made us feel uncomfortable. If you think something you have written sounds a bit off, aggressive or strange, the chances are it does sound weird. Delete it or try rephrasing it to change the tone.
The one common trait between our male and female members is that they all highly rate ‘warmth’. A warm tone in you writing will increase your chances of a positive response. People respond to warm in a social environment and it’s no different online.