Social effects of single parenting
In college I saw a poster that said, “A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.”
What do either of these points have to do with women, children, and Mr. Right? I’m glad you asked.
It seems a lot of singles have the same outlook toward meeting new people as I had about going to college … it is something you do instead of your “regular” life. Actually, it should be something you do as a regular part of your life!
While this is true for both genders, it is more difficult for single parents. Although I do know men who put their life on hold to raise kids, single-parent/child-rearing issues affect far more women than men.
Too many women, faced with the challenges of single parenting, decide to put off their personal life “until the kids are grown.”
Then they show up at a dance or dating service saying, “I was busy raising kids before, now it’s finally time for me.” Better late than never, but it’s already later than it should be. You should seriously consider your alternatives now.
Reality Check!
Properly raising a couple of children is tough enough for two parent families. How is a single mom supposed to earn a living, be both parents, and still carve out time to not only find Mr. Right, but actually develop a relationship!?!
Before you start scrambling for your Super Mom hat, ask yourself if you are being realistic when you make your children the focus of your entire life.
Think about this: Flight attendants have a routine for loss of cabin pressure that ends, “Oxygen masks will drop from overhead. If you are traveling with children, put your mask on first, and then assist your children.”
Why your mask first?
Because you can’t help them (and they can’t help you) if you don’t have the oxygen that you need.
Humans, for whatever reason, seem to have a real need for a partner, just like they need oxygen. Perhaps you need to follow the flight attendant’s advice and take care of your own needs, too.
Which brings me to the “fish riding a bicycle” poster. Maybe you don’t need a man in your life, now or ever. I am certainly not going to throw my dog into that fight!
My point in this article is that if you want a man in your life later, you should get him now. There are some pretty practical reasons for this. First, the male/female ratio changes as people age.
When people are in their 20s and early 30s, there are more single men than women. As people approach 40, however, the ratios even, then there are more single women than men. In addition, there is competition from younger women to add to the difficulty of snaring a suitable mate. So, it is just plain easier to find a man when you are younger.
Second, there are not millions of good guys to sort through, and the picking gets thinner as women age. We (men) are pretty hard to housebreak; you might as well start early!
Third, when a woman makes the children her sole focus, everyone loses something.
- The lady misses the companionship, support, and intimacy the right partner could offer. An extra parent might give her an occasional break that could even make her an even better mom.
- Children miss a resident, full-time, male-role model.
- The guy loses a great lady and some wonderful kids.
In spite of this, some women still want to wait to have a relationship. Something is clearly wrong with this picture.
I am not aware of any studies showing that single-parent families are better for children than two-parent families. I am also unaware of studies suggesting that lonely women make the best moms.
Certainly your kids would like to have all your time … but in the long run, they might be better off with a little less time from a lot more mom. Maybe it’s time to “get a life.”
Many single moms feel dating will be too time-consuming. However, dating doesn’t have to take forever.
Most singles learned about dating while still in school. Unfortunately, they haven’t learned much since.
The rules have changed, though, and dating doesn’t have to be frustrating and time consuming. Properly done, singles’ ads, social functions, matchmakers, and plenty of other alternatives exist to sitting at a bar if you really want to meet someone.
