Sudden break in a relationship
Although it is not easy to develop new friends, the friends developed after the end of a relationship are often the closest friendships you will ever have.
Why?
Possibly from necessity. Or maybe it is because people are more receptive to new friendships at this time in their lives.
But whatever the reason, your cure for loneliness depends upon your efforts in building a new social network combined with a few close friends.
Self-Esteem
The end of any relationship is hard on self-esteem. Low self-esteem makes people feel more insignificant, thus, more lonely.Negative self-talk does not help. Pay attention to the way you “talk” to yourself so that you don’t take your ailing self-esteem to new lows.
Notice the feelings that are aroused, though, as you say positive things about yourself. You feel better immediately, don’t you?
Rebuilding self-esteem seems an inseparable part of overcoming loneliness. A feeling of positive self-worth can be developed over time with the following six steps:
- Jump off the treadmill
When you have low self-esteem, you are like a hamster on a treadmill, racing endlessly to get away from your own criticisms, while racing toward unrealistic and perfectionistic goals. Yet all you need to do to build self-esteem is jump off the treadmill and believe you are good enough; you are deserving; you are capable; you are lovable.
- Get in touch with feelings
If you were taught to repress your feelings in the past, you eventually lost touch with them. Therefore, you must learn to express those feelings now, even though it might be risky.
- Identify and fulfill your needs
Determine the changes you want in your life. These changes can be in your close friendships, your hobbies, your job, your social life, your feelings, your attitudes, etc. Choose the changes YOU want, not those changes someone wants for you.
Journaling helps you share your experiences with you. Keep a journal for seven to ten days to identify your needs. Note what makes you feel positive and what makes you feel negative. At the end of that time, review the journal to identify unmet needs.
Once you have identified your needs, be persistent in meeting them. You can ask others for help, but you are the person who has to make certain your needs are fulfilled!
- YOU approve of you
Self-approval is lasting! When you approve your actions, your feelings, and your thoughts, you build healthy self-esteem that no one can take away from you. When you seek approval from others, however, you lose control over that sanction.Appreciate your own effort; don’t wait for others to approve you. Give yourself a hug, a gold star, and more!
- Share
Choose a supportive friend or relative and tell your friend what you have done. Explain that you are not looking or expecting their approval or disapproval, you merely want them to listen to you from time to time.
- Review successes
Another reason to keep a journal is to have timely “success reviews.” Going back to past successes is excellent for self-encouragement.
The above six steps will lead you to self-esteem. Self-esteem will make it easier to develop a social network.
The Ladder
Curing loneliness is somewhat like climbing a very high ladder. Each rung takes you closer to your goal because each rung decreases loneliness, yet the top is often out-of-sight.
Will you ever reach the top?
Maybe, maybe not. However, one day you will certainly look down and see most of your loneliness below you and the top of the ladder in sight.
